Tsubasa Randomness: Gear One
by hitsuzenbutterfly
Summary: This is a collection of one-shots showing the REAL characters of Tsubasa Chronicle. Find out "The Truth Behind the Wings." Warning: This is rated T for many reasons. Contains a perverted man, murders, a sweet couple, and MUCH more. May have OOC-ness.
1. File 1: Fei Wang Reed

_Random Tsubasa: Gear One _

By: hitsuzenbutterfly

Disclaimer: I do NOT own the wonderful series, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. They belong to the wonderful CLAMP.

* * *

_Dear Reader, _

_I'm sure you are familiar with the Tsubasa series, am I correct? Well, let's just say, what you're reading are lies. And in this, I shall reveal to you the Truth Behind the Wings._

_What you are about to read is the truth. The cold (but humorous) truth._

* * *

**File One:** _How Fei Wang Reed Makes His Clones._

* * *

Fei Wang Reed. The most powerful man in the Tsubasa series, with power only matched by Yuko Ichihara, the Space-Time Witch. However, this man has a secret. A very terrible (not to mention embarrassing) secret.

Here is our evidence found on this recorded phone call:

**" _Hello. This is 1-800-CLONES. How may I help you?"_**

"_Hello, Clarice."_

**"_Oh. It's you. Did you even BOTHER to pay for the other two clones you ordered?"_**

"_I will, once I rule the world."_

**"**_**Of COURSE you will."** _

Reader, please notice that agitation in her voice.

"_Yes.. But I would like one more… You see, there's someone I like.."_

**"_Oh, so what do we have here? The famous Fei Wang Reed is in LOVE with another. Let me guess, is it a man? We know you have been staring intently at Syaoran's butt, you pedo."_**

"_Of course not!"_

**"_Fine then, who is it?"_**

"_It is…" _The man took a deep breath and continued, _"Yuko Ichihara, the Space-Time Witch."_

The woman then had a fit of uncontrollable laughter. _**"HA, HA, HA! You crack me UP! Seriously, tell me butt-chin, who is it?"**_

"_I'm serious.. She took my heart away…"_

**"_So.. What do you expect for us to do? Make you a clone of one of the most powerful women CLAMP has ever made? Honestly, that's like making a clone of a god."_**

"_PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_

**"_Fine. Fine. Your order shall come in two weeks. We expect 500,000,000 dollars by that time."_**

"_Of course…" _

**"_Goodbye."_**

After that shocking revelation that the man did NOT make his own clone, we decided to follow what happens in two weeks.

"It's finally here!!" Fei Wang Reed jumped in the air. "Go get me a crow bar, slave."

The slave then scurried away, and came back in about two minutes with a bloody crow bar.

"Slave, why is that crow bar have blood on it?"

"Why sir, do you not remember? You used this the last time Girl Scouts came to sell their cookies."

The man smiled, "Ah… Good times… That'll teach them not to bring their delicious Mint Chocolate Chip Cookies...Anyway, go back to making sure all the souls I have collected are in order. I need to be alone."

The slave bowed. "Of course, Fei Wang Reed-sama." The slave then dashed away, going back to the "Soul Room."

"Finally, we're alone, my love." Then at once the man used the bloody crow bar to open the wooden crate in front of him.

When he finally opened the box, he found the love of his life–Yuko Ichihara.

"Now then… Where is the ON button…" He searched everywhere, and found out it was between her "goodies."

_Man, those people at 1-800-CLONES really know how to turn me on… _

He then pressed the button, and the Yuko clone opened it's eyes.

"**Who are you?" **the Yuko clone asked, as it brushed of the dust of her velvet dress.

"I am your lover," the man replied, with a smile on his face. "Shall we have 'fun' now?" He then asked, with a smirk on his face.

"**Give me beer." **the Yuko clone then droned.

"Wait.. What did you say?"

"**Give me beer."**

"No. We follow what _I _say. Let's have FUN."

"**Give me beer."**

"NO!"

"**Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me beer. Give me--"**

"Fine!" Fei Wang Reed then went to his 'Evil Refridgerator' and took out a six-pack.

He gave the clone the six-pack, and she quickly drank all of it.

"Now can we have sex?"

"**Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer. Give me more beer--"**

"Okay! That's it!" He then lunged for the crow bar and started repeatedly bashing it against the clone, _Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni_-style. The clone still droned on about beer, but then finally stopped. "There." He said, tired from murdering the clone. "And I thought they would get it RIGHT this time."

"**You... bastard."**

The man then quickly got up, took out is AK-47, and shot the woman five times in the head. "There. That shall keep you quiet."

* * *

Finally, after all of this information we come to this conclusion:

--Fei Wang Reed does not make his OWN clones.

--Fei Wang Reed loves Yuko Ichihara.

--Fei Wang Reed looks at Syaoran's butt intently.

--Fei Wang Reed is a pervert.

Thank you, for reading this report. This is hitsuzenbutterfly signing out.

* * *

_**Thank you for reading. Please review! **_


	2. File 2: Fai D Flourite

_Tsubasa Randomness: Gear One_

By hitsuzenbutterfly

Disclaimer: I do NOT own _Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles_ or _Desperate Housewives_. TRC belongs to CLAMP. DH belongs to ABC and Mary Cherry.

**Thanks to GreenAppleIce, ageofaquariusstudios (FINALLY!), and Nims Dias-angelovdarkness for their reviews... Dedicated to you people. XD **

* * *

**File 2:** _How Fai Became Blond_

* * *

_Dear Reader,_

_You may believe that Fai D. Fluorite was born blond, but unfortunately, that ISN'T the truth. _

* * *

"Fai-sama! Please hurry with your shower… _Desperate Housewives_ is coming up next!" cried Chii. The young girl knew that _Desperate Housewives _was his favorite show, and that they didn't have TiVo anymore to record it, making watching it on time even more important.

"Coming dear!" Fai cried from the shower. _Lather, rinse, repeat. Lather, rinse, repeat. "_Okay! I'm done.." he cried, as he stroked his black hair.

"Good, you are on time," Chii said, as Fai sat down on their blue couch.

"_Last time, on Wisteria Lane…" _the TV introduced. After the first eight minutes (full of Gabriella fan service, which Fai had to cover Chii's eyes from), Fai and Chii saw a particular commercial, that changed _everything. _

"_**Hey you! Are you a magician?"**_

Fai stared at the TV. "Uh… Yeah?"

"_**Are you also created by the wonderful ladies of CLAMP?"**_

Fai looked at the birth certificate of him framed on the wall.

'Born XXXX, Mothers: CLAMP.'

"Uh… I guess so.."

"Fai-sama, you shouldn't talk to the TV."

"_**Young girl, haven't you've been taught that interrupting people is RUDE? Honestly, what's up with young girls these days? So REBELLIOUS."**_

"EEK!" cried Chii, as she ran to the other room.

_Gosh, it was only a commercial… _Fai thought. He was about to get up before the TV continued speaking.

"_**Do you live in Celes? Did you make a woman out of feather? Do you have a twin brother, that 'died'? Did you take the name of that brother?" **_

Fai's eyes widened in surprise. "WHO ARE YOU?! WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH?!" Fai cried, about to blast the TV with his magical powers.

"_**I know you must be having a hard time, so please, just listen. I know who YOU are. But trust me, I'm a person you can trust."**_

Fai looked suspiciously at the TV.

"Fai-sama, is the commercial gone already?" Chii asked, peaking through the door at her master.

"Uh.. Not yet.. Why don't you make some popcorn.. ? I'm getting hungry." Fai replied, looking intently at the TV.

"_**There is only one solution to your problem, young magician."**_

"What is it?"

"_**Dye your hair blonde."**_

"Why? And why blonde of all colors?! Are you pulling my leg?"

"_**Of course not! I'm a person you can trust, remember?"**_

"Of course.. But blonde?! I'm not from California, or from any other sunny place! I live in CELES. The country that has an eternal winter! I'll be laughed at by my friends! And I was voted "Hottest Magician in Celes"! My reputation shall be ruined once I change the color!"

"_**Fine then, Drama Magician Queen. Go ahead. DON'T be original."**_

"What do you mean by 'Don't be original?' I'm one of the most unique guys you've ever met!" Fai was starting to turn a very dark shade of red.

"_**Haven't you ever noticed that most of CLAMP guys are brunettes?"**_

"Syaoran isn't!"

"_**Ah, but what about Kamui from X? Hideki from Chobits? Toya from Card Captor Sakura? Kurogane from YOUR OWN ANIME?!" **_

"I… Never thought about that."

"_**Exactly."**_

"So what do I do?"

"_**Go to the nearest store to dye your hair blonde."**_

"But.. There aren't any stores in Celes that sells blonde hair dye. So how--

"_**Call 1-800-HAIR, and they shall solve all of your problems, god damn it!" **_

"Chii! Get me the phone!" Fai commanded.

We not only recorded what happened in the magical 'Winter Wonderland' Celes, but the house of the perverted Fei Wang Reed.

"Yes. Everything is going according to the scenario," Fei Wang Reed said.

"_**What exactly does the dying of Fai's hair to blonde 'according to the scenario?" **_

"Shut up, Yuko. Hey! I thought you were dead already," Fei Wang Reed replied.

"_**1-800-CLONES knew you wanted the perfect woman so they made me indestructible, so I guess you wouldn't be able to kill me. And also, since we're living together, don't the slaves follow what I say as well? 'Cause I want some more beer…"**_

"Enough!"

* * *

So with all of this information we have collected, we have come to this conclusion..

--Fai D. Fluorite's hair was originally black.

--Fai D. Fluorite and Chii like Desperate Housewives.

--Fai D. Fluorite dying his hair was part of Fei Wang Reed's plan.

--Fei Wang Reed's lover (Clone Yuko) is still alive.

Thank you for reading this second report. This is hitsuzenbutterfly signing out.

* * *

**_Thanks for reading. Please REVIEW! Constructive criticism is welcomed. _**


End file.
